


No Air Without You

by GreatestChange



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-04 18:38:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18349433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreatestChange/pseuds/GreatestChange
Summary: Several years have passed, and the war still rages on. When the rebellion finally gains the upper-hand after capturing Catra and holding her prisoner in Bright Moon, Adora comes at a crossroads with wanting to be the one to save everyone, but also wanting to save her former friend as well.





	No Air Without You

It was the middle of the night and Adora couldn’t stop pacing. Every time she attempted to sit down, she’d be right back up again, padding back and forth across the floor as she tried to figure out her next plan of action.

In the lower levels of Castle Bright Moon, a formerly vacated room now held one of the biggest threats to the castle itself. Only her, Glimmer, Bow, Queen Angella, and four other appointed people who took shifts guarding the door were allowed down there. Adora argued that more people should’ve been brought in, or that she should just guard the door by herself, but both the Queen and Glimmer reassured her it was fine and that she should retire for the night.

But how could they be so sure? What if at any moment the Horde showed up to come and collect their high-ranking leader? Even with the power of She-Ra to their advantage, they couldn’t rely on just that to keep them all safe.

With the Horde’s random attacks on different villages for the past few months, it kept everyone on edge. They received word every other day from different areas across Etheria calling for help. All of the princesses chipped in and traveled across the world to reach those areas and repair as much damage as possible, but by the time they arrived, it would already be too late. Homes were destroyed, families were left with nothing, and the only ones left smiling in the end were the people who caused it.

With every failure, Adora blamed herself. She blamed herself for having so many limits that made her a human being, which resulted in She-Ra’s power dampening. And as much as people tried to rationalize with her and tell her she was wrong, she even blamed herself for being the reason why any of this went as far as it did in the first place.

The more years that passed, and the more the rebellion grew, the level of responsibility and accountability lied on her shoulders; not only as a leader, but also as a symbol for hope. As Adora, she couldn’t hold all of that weight, but as She-Ra she managed. However, it came at a heavy price. One that she tried to fix so many times before, only to end up failing time and time again. Now, with so much time passed, she wondered if ‘fixing’ it was even an option anymore.

She finally stopped pacing and looked down at her bandaged right arm. Through the fabric, she spotted a line of blood beginning to seep through. She needed it re-bandaged, but she didn’t want to bother anyone at this hour. After all, she found herself needing some space from everyone. When they returned to Bright Moon after their first successful mission in ages, a lot of people couldn’t wait to celebrate.

They executed a perfect plan that worked in their favor and managed to fight off the Horde from digging their flag in another conquered territory. It gave them hope again that all of this wasn’t for nothing, and that things finally took a turn in the right direction.

But that wasn’t what they celebrated the most. What they really celebrated was gaining the upper-hand by capturing a prominent figure to the Horde’s success.

Adora recalled the tanks rolling in toward Worwich village, blasting energy in different directions. And on top of one of them stood Catra, smiling with glee. She yelled, she ordered, and occasionally let out a menacing laugh as she tore through the forest and reached the clearing. However, what she hadn’t been expecting was for the village to already be evacuated, or the fact that She-Ra stood as the pawn. The rebellion came in from behind with a surprise attack and chaos erupted from there.

She-Ra did her best to help in every avenue, but in the end her focus centered around Catra, as it always did. They traded blow after blow, leaving cuts and bruises all over each other’s bodies to the point where it physically hurt to move. But somehow, some way, She-Ra came out of it on top, capturing Catra while the rest of the rebellion forced the Horde into retreat mode.

Now, Catra sat in an empty room by herself, just a couple of feet below Adora’s own, and Adora had no idea what to do about it. Queen Angella already tried an interrogation, but Catra wouldn’t budge. Or so… that was what Adora heard. She couldn’t bring herself to walk into that room or be anywhere near Catra ever since they returned back to Bright Moon.

Everyone looked to her (or rather She-Ra) for answers about Catra, what to do with her, how to get her to talk, and what they should do to prepare for the Horde’s inevitable attack. It stressed her out so much that she couldn’t even hear herself think, but Bow and Glimmer could see the toll it took on her and quickly ushered everyone away.

 _“Don’t worry. We got this!”_ Bow told her and gave an encouraging smile. Glimmer also reassured her with a firm nod.

Her two best friends grew so much over the years since they first met. The fresh scars on top of old ones, along with the dark circles under their eyes from all the late nights they stayed up plotting and planning, told it all. It saddened Adora to see the long-lasting effects of the war on her friends faces, as well as her own. But this was what they all signed up for in the beginning, and it showed no signs of ending anytime soon.

So for the past three hours, she stayed hauled up in her room, pacing back and forth while trying to come up with some sort of plan. It should’ve been easier now without everyone’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t force her mind to work right now. Not when it was swimming in a thousand feelings, concerns, and questions.

Catra wasn’t just some random person they captured. She was the person Adora grew up with her whole life, who challenged and pushed her beyond greater limits, and who cried with her on nights it felt like neither of them were good enough for Shadow Weaver’s approval. Despite the war that pitted them against each other now, she couldn’t just forget about all of the moments they shared prior to that. Her relationship with Catra, though complicated, still got her through some of the worst years of her life. And knowing that side of Catra existed made it impossible for Adora to accept her as pure evil like everyone else did.  

With that in mind, a new fire lit under her. She walked to her door and opened it carefully, then looked out into the hall.

After listening for a minute and being met with only silence, she grabbed her sword near the door and slipped out of her room. She tiptoed her way down the corridor, passing by several different rooms until she reached the steps leading downstairs.

“Adora?”

“Glimmer!” Adora jumped in surprise, almost tripping and falling down the stairs in the process. She saw her pink-haired friend coming up the the steps with a look of curiosity on her face. “What are you doing up so late?”

“Studying some things from the archives that could help us,” Glimmer replied with a yawn. When she reached the top of the stairs, she held up a book she’d been reading. “What about you?”

“Uh. I couldn’t sleep,” Adora said and started playing with her hair, “and I thought I’d just take a stroll through the castle for old times sake.”

“And were you planning to use your sword in the kitchen to chop up a late-night snack?”

Adora cringed and then gave a guilty look.

“I guess I’m caught, huh?”

Glimmer shut her book and brought it up to her chest. Her eyebrows knit together in concern.

“Can I ask what you plan on saying to her?” she asked in a soft tone.

Adora sighed and then shrugged.

“I don’t know. But I have to say something, right?”

“You don’t have to, and no one should expect you to either. You’ve said enough.”

“Yeah, but what if a part of me still wants to, though?” Adora asked in a whisper. “What if I still believe there’s a chance…”

“That what? She’ll magically turn to our side?” Glimmer asked, giving her an incredulous look. “It’s been five years, Adora, and Catra’s made it very clear every time where her loyalty lies.”

“Look, I know it sounds crazy and probably is crazy, but you don’t know Catra the way I do—”

“Did,” Glimmer tried to correct her.

“No. Do. Even if she’s not the same person I used to know, she’s still Catra. Deep down I know there’s a part of her that doesn’t want this.”

“How can you even say this now after everything she’s done so far to contradict that?” Glimmer asked. “Adora, sometimes you can’t change people no matter how hard you want to, and that’s not your fault. You were smart enough to see through the Horde’s manipulation and sought change. Catra’s just too far gone for that now. She’s evil—”

“She’s my family,” Adora intruded, closing her eyes. “At one point, she was the closest thing I had to it before I met all of you. If I gave up on her just like that, it would be like if you guys never took a chance on me the day I found the sword of She-Ra, and I’m not going to do that. So please stop asking me to.”

When she opened her eyes, she saw Glimmer staring back at her with a conflicted look on her face.

“She’s only one person,” she said quietly. “You should think about all of the other people you’ve saved instead: the people who ended up being worth it.”

With that, Glimmer turned and walked away.

Adora tried not to flinch at those last words. Catra wasn’t worth it? If so, then why did Adora’s worst shortcomings and failures stem around not being able to save Catra? And why, even when the two of them hurt each other so much, did Adora still get that familiar pain in her heart at the mere glimpse or mentioning of her former friend?

If Catra didn’t matter, why did Adora still feel like there was some part of her that wanted to be saved?

Gathering her resolve, she ran down the steps of the castle. Her feet led her through the darkness of the gigantic building with thick walls. After turning multiple corners, she reached a door that led down to the lower levels, with only lit torches to guide her down the way so she wouldn’t fall.

When she reached the bottom of the steps, she looked around the large area, shivering from the cool air. She’d only been down there a handful of times. Queen Angella told her stories about this area being used to secure Horde members back during the old rebellion. There were several cells down there, each with bold, black doors and a barred window to peep inside.

Adora padded along the marble floor until she reached the door at the very end of the hall with two guards standing in front of it. They both looked tired, but one nodded at her and moved away from the door to let her get by while the other undid several locks, each needing a separate key. Once the last key unfastened the final lock, the guard stood to the side and gave her the go ahead.

Taking a deep breath, Adora put her hand on the knob and turned it.

In the late-night hours, she entered the dark room, clutching her sword at her side. She looked around at the emptiness. The cold floor against her bare feet made the rest of her body shudder. The room had a drastically different design compared to the rest of the castle. The concrete ground didn’t compare to the smooth, marble floors Adora grew accustomed to. And aside from the cot in the corner, nothing else filled the room except for the only person occupying it.

Catra sat under the window on the floor bathed in moonlight from the barred window high above. She had a calm expression on her face, even though her arms and feet were secured in cuffs that chained her to a wall and only extended as far as the bed. Her hair grew out even longer over the years, almost reaching down to her lower back. Her dirty and scarred cheeks, which always had a bit of roundness to them, hollowed out, giving her a more mature look and edginess. However, the one thing that still remained the same about her were her eyes: always narrowed with determination even in the worst situation, always searching for a solution, and always calculated. She only gave Adora a side glance when she walked in.

“I don’t suppose I have bathroom privileges, do I?” she asked in a groggy, hoarse voice.

“We haven’t formed that level of trust just yet,” Adora responded cheekily. She leaned her back against the door and waited for a second before speaking again. “And I guess you haven’t lost your ability to talk after all.”

Catra scoffed. “Of course I can talk. Just because I don’t want to waste my breath on any of you that doesn’t mean I’m inept.”

“Well, you’re talking to me,” Adora pointed out. “That means something, right?”

Catra finally looked at her. She lowered her eyes until they fell on Adora’s sword and then raised them again.

“Why do you have that thing?” she asked, sounding annoyed. “It’s not like I’m that much of a threat right now.”

Adora shrugged. “I can never be too sure with you. I have a lot of injuries that account for that. Including this one,” she pointed at her bandaged arm.

Again, Catra scoffed.

“Please. You’re only using me as an excuse. These people have you walking around here acting like that stupid thing defines who you are. Newsflash, Adora: it doesn’t. If anything, it makes you look weak for thinking you need to carry it around with you wherever you go.”

“So you think I’m stronger without it?”

“I never said that,” Catra said quickly.

“Not in so many words.”

Catra rolled her eyes and started to tug more at her restraints.

Adora’s teasing smile faded and she looked down. Her sword gleamed in the dark as the moonlight bounced against it.

“It’s been five years since I found this sword,” she said after a while. “Which means five years of being out of the Fright Zone, away from Hordak and Shadow Weaver, and—”

“Me?” Catra finished, looking her dead in the eyes.

Adora swallowed. “Yeah…”

Catra didn’t give a ready response and instead looked off to the side. She wiggled her wrists back and forth in the cuffs, attempting to make them looser, only to end up falling short.

“I will get out of here,” she said. “And when I do, you’re going to regret bringing me here in the first place. The Horde will take over Bright Moon once and for all, and everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve will be left in ruins.”

“Wow.” Adora fake applauded. “That was your best Shadow Weaver impression yet. You even have her inflections down to a T.”

Catra glared.

“Shadow Weaver wishes she were me,” she said, her voice deepening. “I’ve managed to accomplish more than she ever has in only five years and I’m only just getting started. Once Bright Moon falls, everything else will soon after.”

“For goodness sake, Catra, just listen to yourself!” Adora said with a hiss. “This isn’t you at all. You’ve let yourself get brainwashed into spewing all of this crap and it’s made you forget who you really are.”

“This has always been me!” Catra yelled back. “Why is that so hard for you to believe? I love who I am, and I make no apologies for that. I make no apologies for letting you wander off with that group of idiot princesses while I made big moves and became the leader of a revolution.”

“You’re a puppet to a so-called revolution,” Adora argued. “Hordak may be singing your praises now, but you have to know that he’s keeping a tally of all your mistakes. You’re just as expendable to him as Shadow Weaver.”

That calm expression on Catra’s face turned into a glower and she snapped her head upward to meet Adora’s gaze.

“I guess that’s something the two of you share in common then, huh?” she said.

Adora took a pause and stared at the woman in front of her, part in disbelief but also hurt.

“Him and I are nothing alike,” she said, trying to keep her voice leveled. “You know that’s not true.”

“Oh, but it is. You both love to have things your way and force your ideas on other people. Where the difference lies with him is that at least I know he can’t be trusted and that he’d easily replace me. With you… I never saw it coming.”

“So we’re just going to continue with that narrative then?” Adora asked, stepping closer to her former friend. “I’ve told you repeatedly that I’ve wanted you here. At several points I even risked everything just to get you to see reason, but did you ever want to hear it? No!”

“Of course I didn’t! And why should I, huh? Why should I have to change my entire life just to appease you?”

“It’s not about me. It’s about you being a good person and realizing that you shouldn’t let yourself be used by these people who don’t even care about you.”

“I could easily say the same thing about you. Do you really think people are going around saying how much ‘Adora’s going to save us all?’ No, you don’t. Because in the bottom of your heart you know that people only recognize you as She-Ra. They don’t care about you. They care about what you can do for them. All you are is their personalized weapon.”

Adora’s hand clutched the handle of her sword in anger and her jaw clenched shut.

“This isn’t about me,” she said again through her teeth.

“Oh please, Adora. This is all about you. You want the accomplishments and accolades of being the one to get the Horde members to see the ‘error in their ways,’ and it’s not going to happen. Use all of the power in that sword you want, but just know that we all see right through you. Myself, Scorpia, and even Entrapta—”

“Don’t,” Adora cut her off. Hearing the name of her former ally struck a nerve every time, and Catra knew it.

Catra smirked.

“How’s it feel to have someone you thought you could trust switch sides and make friends with the enemy? Hurts, doesn’t it?”

Adora’s hand now clutched her sword so hard that it shook in her hands.

“I can forgive you for a lot of things, Catra, but never that. How you could deliberately brainwash someone to do you bidding is absolutely sickening.”

“Now look at who’s trying to push narratives,” Catra said with the roll of her eyes. “Entrapta wants to be with us. She chooses to stay because we’ve stuck by her always and wouldn’t leave her like you guys did.”

“We never left her!” Adora raised her voice. “You just manipulated her into believing that.”

“You never came back for her and that’s the only thing she sees. You left her with us and, in the end, she found herself wanting to stay.”

“Stop giving yourself a pat on the back. The only reason you’ve kept her around this long is because you want to hurt me. And congratulations because you successfully achieved that.”

“There you go again, making it all about you. Get over yourself, Adora.”

Adora’s grip loosened. She stared at Catra for a solid minute before deciding to place her weapon by the door and walk closer. When she came only a couple of feet away, she sat down on the floor and put her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

“What happened to us, Catra?” she asked after they sat in silence for a while, her voice growing softer. “Before any of this ever happened, I always told myself that as long as I had you everything else would be fine. No one else got me the way that you did, and no one has ever since. You were my favorite person in the world who I could talk to about anything, but now we’re on opposite ends. The Horde’s changed everything.”

“No, you changed,” Catra said and finally looked at her. “That’s what happened to us. We both started on the same tracks, moving at the same speed, and eventually you sped up and got ahead of me. So ahead of me that it felt impossible to catch up. Then you suddenly steered off course and found yourself a new path that took you so far off from where you were supposed to be, but you kept going anyway and never once looked back. In the meantime, I stayed on course and never strayed, picking up all of your slack. So if you want to know what happened to us, look no further than yourself.”

Adora looked away and gave no response, because she couldn’t. Everything Catra said she already told herself. All of the blame fell onto her shoulders. If she’d been strong enough as she was now to see through Shadow Weaver’s manipulation earlier, maybe things would’ve turned out differently. If she’d stuck by Catra’s side and stood up for her, then maybe Catra wouldn’t hold all of this resentment. And if she’d just been a better friend, half of the things happening right now would be nonexistent.

“You’re right,” she said. “I am partially to blame for this. I should’ve fought harder for you and I didn’t. I should’ve made sure that if I wasn’t always beside you on those tracks that I checked and made sure you weren’t that far behind me. I made the mistake of not looking back, and I’m sorry.”

“I’m not looking for an apology,” Catra said. “It’s far too late for that.”

“Then why do you constantly feel the need to throw it back in my face?” Adora asked. “Every chance you get, you always have to explain why I was such a terrible friend for leaving you, or that I was the one who held you back.”

“Because I want you to hurt just as much as you hurt me!” Catra yelled in a sudden outburst that vibrated against the empty room and took Adora aback. “You left and found this new life so easily and you didn’t even have to try. But it’s never been like that for me. I’ve worked hard to become the person I am today, and I did it alone—without you. You were all I had, and the day you left I realized how alone I already was. I never should’ve relied on you in the first place. You didn’t give a crap about me and never did.”

“That’s not true!” Adora said. She crawled forward until she was only a few feet away. “I’ve always cared about you and I still do.”

“Adora, just stop—”

“No! I’m not going to stop until you admit that what you just said was a lie.”

“You’re going to be sitting here for a long time then,” Catra said and then turned her head to the side.

Adora leaned forward on her knees and held a look of intensity in her eyes.

“I care about you, Catra,” she said.

“It doesn’t even matter now,” Catra replied, though she kept her eyes averted. “It’s too late.”

“No, it’s not. It’s never too late,” Adora said, trying to make eye contact. “I care about you, Catra.”

“Stop saying that already!” Catra said through gritted teeth. Her eyes squeezed shut, as if she wanted to block Adora’s words from her mind.

Before Adora realized, her face came inches away from Catra’s, staring at her with the help of the moonlight casting against them. She could tell that Catra knew how close she was, but she made no effort in pushing her away.

With the raise of her hand, Adora put it under Catra’s chin and gently turned her face toward her. Being so close made her see the bruises she left in their previous battle. One just above Catra’s brow, another on her right cheek, swelling in her left eye, and a busted lip. Her eyes lingered on the latter.

“I care about you, Catra,” she said in a whisper this time. “All I want is you back. You’ve wanted me to hurt as much as you did, and you achieved that. What you don’t know, though, is that I’ve been hurting since the day I left. I’ve missed you every single day to the point where it’s hard to even breathe sometimes. I have all this air around me and yet it still feels like it’s not enough. So please. Help me breathe again, Catra. Please.”

Her eyes watered with her plead as she stared at Catra with so much agony in her heart that she was scared she’d fall apart.

Catra’s eyes remained closed throughout the entirety of her speech and several seconds after. When she finally opened them, her own watery gaze met Adora’s. Her mouth parted and Adora could see how much she struggled to form words. But then her expression hardened after a while, and even with tears in her eyes, she gave Adora a look of contempt.

“The Horde will win,” she finally said.

Adora couldn’t stop her own tears from tracing down her cheeks. She let her hand fall away from Catra’s face and pulled back completely before getting up. On her way out the door, she grabbed her sword off the ground, clutching onto it again and put her hand on the door knob. Before she turned it, she looked back at Catra one last time, catching her wipe at her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt.

Swallowing, Adora turned away and opened the door. She put on her strong face just as she exited, passing by the guards still stationed there who no doubt heard the whole conversation.

Walking away from the door, she tread back to the stairs she came down and climbed up them two at a time. Once she came out the door, she let it close behind her and leaned against it until she slid to the ground, letting her sword slip out of her hand and fall with a loud clanking noise.

Covering her mouth with her hand, she sobbed into it and used the other to clutch at her aching chest.

Breathing might have felt impossible, but it didn’t compare to her heart struggling to keep beating in her chest when it was so broken.

**Author's Note:**

> Please consider leaving a comment. Thanks!


End file.
